Acceptance...a tough call.

Today morning I was talking to a fellow colleague and we were reminiscing about the days we worked together. Children we worked with had all grown up and were scattered all over, some doing very well, some just ok and a few still floundering. And kids who were floundering were sadly of those parents who still after years and years of being with their child refused to acknowledge the "different" needs of their child. Even after 12-13 years they were trying to push a round peg in a square hole. It breaks my heart to encounter such parents who know in their hearts that their child is different but refuse to say it. They refuse to see it. They refuse to hear it. It just makes their journey hundred times more difficult but how do you convince them? All parents when told about their child's special needs go through different phases: shock - denial ("When I was young I did the same."), anger - guilt - blaming ("It's all the teacher’s/school's fault", "If only I hadn't done ...", "Why is God punishing me?"), resignation ("It's God's will"), depression ("I can't go on...") and Acceptance ("Ok, so what can I do to help my child."). Each parent move through the stages at their own pace, but they do. However, there are a few who get stuck in some stage and never get to the last one. For reasons known only to them they have a difficult time getting past a certain stage. There could be factors which are reinforcing their doubts and this continues. Parents go from doctor to doctor, specialist to specialist in the hope that someone will pronounce their child "normal". In this whole exercise it's the child who suffers. This child who could have gotten the remediation and could have become mainstreamed is still at large with the gap widening at an exponential rate.
This is not to make little of the parent's emotions. Being a parent I know that I would be devastated if I were told that my child is not "neurotypical" and I too will go through a whole gamut of feelings. But being the adult in the relationship and being the caregiver who is solely responsible for my child's well being I would try to see the writing on the wall and get going. Like they when "the going gets tough, the tough gets going"...
Time is of essence here...lets use it judiciously.

How do I manage??....Am I managing...I wonder.

Some time ago I was having this conversation with this friend who has a small baby and she has practically given up everything under the sun to be with her child. And she asked me, "Geet, how do you do it?" And I got into this "gyan - giving" mode and offered these pearls after pearls of wisdom. Even I was impressed with my spiel..."We can make our lives as simple or as complicated as we want", "two bananas are a wholesome meal", "don’t over-rate the concept of quality time" and on and on I went.
And then long after the conversation I was still thinking - Am I managing? Am I doing half the things I told my friend? Is it really difficult to bring up children? Is it more difficult if you are single? Or it’s just a perception? Or our conditioning?
Notions like - Children need both parents, it is difficult to balance work and children...have plagued me too but I have always managed to get the better of it. This doubt is rearing its head again when I see that my second daughter isn't getting that much time with me like the older one did. But isn't that the case with all mothers, I wonder? The first born are usually given a whole lot more attention and time. With the second one the novelty has worn off a bit...
Frankly single parenthood is perceived to be really difficult and tough and all those adjectives. But in reality most mothers are bringing up their kids single handedly. Their (kids') daily needs of food, clothes, play, homework, PTAs, friends, birthday parties...are practically taken care of by the mothers. This is not to say that the fathers are not interested but let’s face it, fathers are generally too busy with work and earning the "bread". In the mornings the child leaves for school and in the evenings the father comes back late..usual story which is a reality in more homes than one thinks.
But yes, to believe that one will choose to have children without a spouse and take care of all needs of the children is overwhelming and very scary. Though one does get use to it but every now and then the "scary" bit comes back to haunt you...Am I managing? Am I managing?
Frankly, all mothers single or otherwise go through the same doubts and fears. The only difference being, single mothers don’t have a “stepnee” (right spelling??) to fall back on! Thus the lesson to be learnt – Make sure your servicing is on time!!
And of course all the best to those mothers whose “stepnee’s” service is long overdue!!

Happy Happy Happy Day to All of Us!

Its officially our day guys ! Happy Teachers Day to all you beautiful people out there. Are the flowers and cards surrounding you? Enjoy them and have a great day.

Believe it or not!

I certainly couldnt digest this!
I got to know that there is a school (could be more)in Delhi which has taken AWAY the teacher's chair from the classroom. And you know why? Because now the teachers are getting higher salary (because of the pay commission) and THEREFORE they shouldnt be sitting down and wasting time! Can you believe it? And here I thought that finally the value of a teacher has been acknowledged. This is a person who has the power to significantly shape the future of our country and what respect is being shown to them! This just shows the school(s) actually think that they are been forced to pay the teachers more than they deserve. Isnt it sad?