need a dhakka start!!

So many times in the past few months I started writing for my blog but somehow the words sounded empty or maybe forceful..as if I was writing because I have to. I just let it go...What was it? I dont know. Some kind of a "distant cousin" of writer's block I guess. So much has happened in the last few months - with swine flu topping the list! One after the other kids, teachers falling prey to it and the rest of us being banished for a few days! Crazy. Anyway, swine flu still around but time I carried on with my life..
Will be back..sooner than later.

Acceptance...a tough call.

Today morning I was talking to a fellow colleague and we were reminiscing about the days we worked together. Children we worked with had all grown up and were scattered all over, some doing very well, some just ok and a few still floundering. And kids who were floundering were sadly of those parents who still after years and years of being with their child refused to acknowledge the "different" needs of their child. Even after 12-13 years they were trying to push a round peg in a square hole. It breaks my heart to encounter such parents who know in their hearts that their child is different but refuse to say it. They refuse to see it. They refuse to hear it. It just makes their journey hundred times more difficult but how do you convince them? All parents when told about their child's special needs go through different phases: shock - denial ("When I was young I did the same."), anger - guilt - blaming ("It's all the teacher’s/school's fault", "If only I hadn't done ...", "Why is God punishing me?"), resignation ("It's God's will"), depression ("I can't go on...") and Acceptance ("Ok, so what can I do to help my child."). Each parent move through the stages at their own pace, but they do. However, there are a few who get stuck in some stage and never get to the last one. For reasons known only to them they have a difficult time getting past a certain stage. There could be factors which are reinforcing their doubts and this continues. Parents go from doctor to doctor, specialist to specialist in the hope that someone will pronounce their child "normal". In this whole exercise it's the child who suffers. This child who could have gotten the remediation and could have become mainstreamed is still at large with the gap widening at an exponential rate.
This is not to make little of the parent's emotions. Being a parent I know that I would be devastated if I were told that my child is not "neurotypical" and I too will go through a whole gamut of feelings. But being the adult in the relationship and being the caregiver who is solely responsible for my child's well being I would try to see the writing on the wall and get going. Like they when "the going gets tough, the tough gets going"...
Time is of essence here...lets use it judiciously.

How do I manage??....Am I managing...I wonder.

Some time ago I was having this conversation with this friend who has a small baby and she has practically given up everything under the sun to be with her child. And she asked me, "Geet, how do you do it?" And I got into this "gyan - giving" mode and offered these pearls after pearls of wisdom. Even I was impressed with my spiel..."We can make our lives as simple or as complicated as we want", "two bananas are a wholesome meal", "don’t over-rate the concept of quality time" and on and on I went.
And then long after the conversation I was still thinking - Am I managing? Am I doing half the things I told my friend? Is it really difficult to bring up children? Is it more difficult if you are single? Or it’s just a perception? Or our conditioning?
Notions like - Children need both parents, it is difficult to balance work and children...have plagued me too but I have always managed to get the better of it. This doubt is rearing its head again when I see that my second daughter isn't getting that much time with me like the older one did. But isn't that the case with all mothers, I wonder? The first born are usually given a whole lot more attention and time. With the second one the novelty has worn off a bit...
Frankly single parenthood is perceived to be really difficult and tough and all those adjectives. But in reality most mothers are bringing up their kids single handedly. Their (kids') daily needs of food, clothes, play, homework, PTAs, friends, birthday parties...are practically taken care of by the mothers. This is not to say that the fathers are not interested but let’s face it, fathers are generally too busy with work and earning the "bread". In the mornings the child leaves for school and in the evenings the father comes back late..usual story which is a reality in more homes than one thinks.
But yes, to believe that one will choose to have children without a spouse and take care of all needs of the children is overwhelming and very scary. Though one does get use to it but every now and then the "scary" bit comes back to haunt you...Am I managing? Am I managing?
Frankly, all mothers single or otherwise go through the same doubts and fears. The only difference being, single mothers don’t have a “stepnee” (right spelling??) to fall back on! Thus the lesson to be learnt – Make sure your servicing is on time!!
And of course all the best to those mothers whose “stepnee’s” service is long overdue!!

Happy Happy Happy Day to All of Us!

Its officially our day guys ! Happy Teachers Day to all you beautiful people out there. Are the flowers and cards surrounding you? Enjoy them and have a great day.

Believe it or not!

I certainly couldnt digest this!
I got to know that there is a school (could be more)in Delhi which has taken AWAY the teacher's chair from the classroom. And you know why? Because now the teachers are getting higher salary (because of the pay commission) and THEREFORE they shouldnt be sitting down and wasting time! Can you believe it? And here I thought that finally the value of a teacher has been acknowledged. This is a person who has the power to significantly shape the future of our country and what respect is being shown to them! This just shows the school(s) actually think that they are been forced to pay the teachers more than they deserve. Isnt it sad?

Can I Better Myself?

Emotional vaccuum. Does it ring a bell? Basically what I have understood by it is that in any relationship there are several needs which need to be fulfilled..physical, material, social, emotional...Out of these its easy to deal with the physical needs - food, clothes, toys, books, schooling - we make sure our child goes to school, we make sure he has tuitions, we make sure he has toys to play with, we make sure there is his favourite food in the kitchen and so on. And we also think that we have done our job as a parent. A few questions we may need to ask ourselves - Is my child emotionally secure? Do I have a positive emotional tie with my child? Or does my child despite all my efforts still crave for something more? A hug, a kiss, an "I love you", a piggyback ride...Does my child believe that he or she is the most precious thing for me? Or is he or she battling with my work or other committments for my time? Is there an emotional vaccuum between my child and me? Nothing which cant be remedied. But before that its the acknowledgement of EV being there in the first place. Its tough as we all think we are doing the absolute right thing. But being tough doesnt mean impossible.

And if the child has some special needs then it becomes even more imperative to identify this vaccuum and fill it up with love and tenderness. Our kids are very fragile emotionally and they need all the positive reinforcements they can get.

So lets promise ourselves that we will make a conscious effort to love our kids even more and tell them...loud and clear. After all, bache to aapne hai na!!

You Cant Make The Whole World Happy...(based on empirical findings!)

We spend a good part of our day trying to make everyone happy and unfortunately despite our trying and trying again there are always a few who have a whole lot of nasty things to say about us. And then we feel sad and stressed, "oh, why did so and so say this about me? What did I do? Why is he/she not happy with me blah, blah, blah". We cant make everyone happy. We try but we fail. And then we learn not to spend all our energies doing something which is not going to happen. Just do your bit according to your values, expertise and let the world be..
For me meeting one child means connections with - mother, father, sister, brother, friends, teachers, aunts, uncles and in some cases "didi" - so if I falter and not do what ONE person out of the lot wants, too bad. Its the child that is my priority not his/her extensions. Yes I will give a fair hearing to all but do what is best for the child.
If someone wants to rile and rant, ignore. Conserve your energies for the bigger issues in life..as long as you know you are doing your best, all is well!!
Carry on..